.maybe boys aren't whatever.


Since we were young little girls, we’ve always heard, “girls are forever and boys are whatever”. I am starting to think…in my 30s…that maybe this isn’t true. As the past two years of my life have flown on by, I noticed that many of my personal girlfriendships have changed some dramatically and some just barely. While I will stay away from specifics, I noticed that since Mr. Nearlywed and I began dating, all of the sudden, I no longer have much in common with some girlfriends. Some didn’t bother to get to get to know him and some did. But all of those relationships changed. As I plan a wedding to the man I love, I notice that it brings out unhappiness in others. Being in a relationship doesn’t make you tainted or less fun. I think that my relationship has enabled me to feel alive again and able to give energy to my girlfriendships.

Here is my theory on why some girlfriendships maybe not be forever. Think back to the boys we dated in high school….are we still friends with them? Sure, maybe you married your HS Sweetheart, or maybe you still keep in touch because you were so young the relationship is more like a long friendship than a short dating relationship. But, for me, it was a great up because it was broken and I didn’t invest any energy into those relationships beyond the day that they ended.

As someone who has had more girlfriendships than shoes, I noticed that, sometimes people grow, they change, and they set different goals. Once I started dating Mr. Nearlywed, my life goals changed. I met someone who shared my visions for life and was ready, willing and able to start working on those goals and visions together. I know that every girl who is in my life today may not always be in my life. But no matter what, they left a lasting impression on my heart. Would I like to purge my phone book and my Facebook page? Yes, sometimes.

After being missing from wedding blog posts, I share this one not to vent, but because as I watch the girlfriendships of others change, it can help you to realize that maybe girls are whatever.


emseedubya said...

Girls are totally whatever. You've probably heard the quote "Some friends are for a season, others for a reason, and only a few are for a lifetime." The older I get the easier it is to accept as the season or reason for our friendship passes; there comes a time when you just don't need each other in the same way anymore. It brings a sense of peace to the fade-in/fade-out pattern of girl-friendships.

Anonymous said...

It's interesting that you bring this up because often feel the same way. My bestfriend and I have been friends for 8 years and were basically going through the same stages in life until I met my now fiancé and she ended up breaking things off with her then boyfriend. She wanted to go out and party and meet guys and that just wasn't something I was interested in anymore. She made me feel like I wasn't fun anymore because I wasn't going out with her all the time and I started to get jealous of the new friendships she was making and not including me in. It took me a long time to realize that sometimes people just grow apart. When I was 15 I vowed to never put a boy before a friend, but as an adult I know that true loves comes before everything. That's why we stand in front of our friends and family and proclaim our love for our significant others and not our friendship for our girlfriends.

Anonymous said...

I think this is really sad. You shouldn't have to choose between your friendships and your loved one. And they shouldn't make you choose either.

Jenny Georgio-who said...

I noticed this before I was engaged to Georgie. Just in dating someone for a long time you notice your friendships change. Obviously when you are in a long term relationship you aren't in the mood to go clubbing to find guys...but that doesn't mean I won't go to a club with you...as long as I'm not asked to be your wing person.

The friends you are meant to have are the ones who are sticking by you through all of this, calling to see whats up, how you are, if you need any help, or just to hang out with you.

I learned the hard way, a lot of friend, boys and girls alike, are totally whatever.

The Thirty-Something Bride said...

This post is effing amazing! Where the hell did you come from? Why have I not read your blog before! So cool.
I can totally relate. Thanks a ton for sharing!

Shannon and Jesse said...

Its totally true... I only have a handful of close friends left and only one of them is a girl.

Miss Frugal said...

Girls totally are whatever. I asked someone to be a bridesmaid, we were really close when I asked her. Now I never see, talk to, or hear from her. I addressed it in my blog, though I haven't found a good resolution yet. It's amazing how things can change in the time between the asking and the wedding day.

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